Monday, May 17, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Everything falls apart.
Well, the divorce becomes final any moment now. Jen has refused my last offer to undertake some kind of therapy / reconciliation. I've been grappling with all the underlying anger of the situation; I've had terrible nightmares and sleepless nights from it. I get NO closure in this, Jen refuses to talk about it (to me, anyway). One interesting aside: Her offer to give me three months living expenses in exchange for signing over the condo to her was pretty funny. I countered that I would sign it over for $10,000 and be done with it. NOW she wants to go to mediation! LOLZ She wants to be rid of me, but she doesn't want to help me in any substantial way. Of course, she's dislocating her shoulders from patting herself on the back for her generous offer; I think it's going to be an interesting mediation.
She's lost ALL touch with what things really cost. She makes nearly six figures and thinks that all I have to do is get a job and everything will be fine, I'll be instantly prosperous. I had to remind her that most apartments want first/last/deposit to get in the door, she said, "Oh, I hadn't thought of that." No shit. That's one item in a litany of things she hasn't thought about.
When we had only been together for a short time, I heard her complaining to her friend, Kong, that her first job after college only payed $25 per hour and Kong agreed that that was chump change. The feeling was all indignation and repulsion at the very thought of ONLY making $25 per hour. I interjected, "what does that say about me, then? I only make $16 per hour." They fell all over themselves trying to backpedal and justify what they said, but their meaning was clear enough to me. Now imagine going up against that feeling of entitlement in a divorce mediation.
What else... I've got a job which pays crap and offers VERY few hours (and no benefits), but it's the first job I've landed in over a year, so I'm keeping it for now. However, I certainly can't afford rent on what the job pays, so I'm kind of stuck again. A couple of friends have offered that I can stay with them for a while, which is very generous of them, but they both live well out of the way from where I need to go. Argh!
I'm also running out of meds. I can get them refilled, but it means using the money I was lent for getting into an apartment. Fuck's sake.
So, everything is falling apart (again).
She's lost ALL touch with what things really cost. She makes nearly six figures and thinks that all I have to do is get a job and everything will be fine, I'll be instantly prosperous. I had to remind her that most apartments want first/last/deposit to get in the door, she said, "Oh, I hadn't thought of that." No shit. That's one item in a litany of things she hasn't thought about.
When we had only been together for a short time, I heard her complaining to her friend, Kong, that her first job after college only payed $25 per hour and Kong agreed that that was chump change. The feeling was all indignation and repulsion at the very thought of ONLY making $25 per hour. I interjected, "what does that say about me, then? I only make $16 per hour." They fell all over themselves trying to backpedal and justify what they said, but their meaning was clear enough to me. Now imagine going up against that feeling of entitlement in a divorce mediation.
What else... I've got a job which pays crap and offers VERY few hours (and no benefits), but it's the first job I've landed in over a year, so I'm keeping it for now. However, I certainly can't afford rent on what the job pays, so I'm kind of stuck again. A couple of friends have offered that I can stay with them for a while, which is very generous of them, but they both live well out of the way from where I need to go. Argh!
I'm also running out of meds. I can get them refilled, but it means using the money I was lent for getting into an apartment. Fuck's sake.
So, everything is falling apart (again).
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